Tink

Such a long time.

I don't know if anyone cares or if anyone noticed, but I'm sorry.

I'm gonna try to sum some stuff up.. like that ever happens.

P.S. I'm going insane. Not really, but I feel like it. Going so fast and going so slow all at once. It's like salvia.

So. Last time was a Wednesday. I was wrong about ANTM.. Chantal and Saleisha, Saleisha won. Ugh. Oh well. I always have a bias toward blondes anyway. But really? I don't know. Saleisha just got lucky that every week there was someone worse than her. What am I doing? This is wasted energy..

WEDNESDAY:

Started the project. Didn't get too far.

THURSDAY:

Last day to work on the in-class graphite. I finished the drawing but only 10% of the shading. I have a lot of work to do. Then I went to my famous (well, semi-famous) cousin's show. One of his openers has been my friend on MySpace for quite some time. I finally got to meet him and took a picture and he gave me a free CD. It was in a really intimate small setting as far as shows go, so it was a real cool one-on-one thing. I went with my mom and my friend, H. H loved the show. She was super star struck by my cousin. It was cute. Overall, great night.

FRIDAY:

Clean clean clean. Show. Older half sis and her husband came into town. Names? Lucy and Eric. Always fun.

SATURDAY-SUNDAY:

Annual PJ party with the fam. Lip syncs, spiked eggnog? Fun fun fun. Bossy aunt and peeping-tom uncle? Not so fun. Yea, I took a shower. They have a clear window into it from a small enclosed area in the backyard. I still am confused on that one. He's not blood, luckily (incest? no thanks) but yea. Stilllllll confused. Majorly. Then just my family left and went home then my mom sister and I went to our parade. Oh. CB and his friend came :] This needs a separate denomination..

SUNDAY NIGHT:

To be honest, this is just super long and exciting so I'm gonna copy & paste from an email to my bro-in-law, Eric. I'm lazy, I know. He asked how it went and if we are officially "dating" yet or not.


It was good. I don't know if it was quite a "date," his friend WM was there, which I had expected. But then again it was. I don't know. Anyway I didn't expect CB to stand next to my mom the whole parade with no one there haha.. and WM was there the night I met CB, funny kid, we get along great and he doesn't make it awkward or anything. But it went great. I was a "Santa Baby," wearing the least amount of clothes in the parade of course haha. But I waved and blew him a kiss when I went by him in the parade (we passed by twice) and my mom said "I think that was meant for you CB" and one of the other moms went "Yea it was!" and I guess he turned like bright red... and also I guess WM told CB "Look, there's your Santa Girl" and he went "Yep she's mine"

[insert awww here]

Buuut yea. Then CB got food at Quizno's cuz he was starving (he asked if I wanted anything, but I didn't) and then we couldn't decide what we wanted to do, but we wanted to relax cuz all of us were tired so we decided on a movie. Either I Am Legend or Across the Universe. We decided I am legend was too intense, plus WM had a headache.. so we went to the dollar theater down the street and saw Across the Universe. CB and I had already seen it and loved it but WM hadn't and we were down to see it again so we went. On the way, they were blasting Disney songs and we were singing wht we knew at the top of our lungs and then we listened to some other girly songs.. it was so funny. Anyway we ended up getting to the theater around six and looked at the movie times.. it started at seven. The window said "Cash Only" so CB asked if they had an ATM machine and the lady told us it was inside. Then we were like.. we're INSIDE.. hmm.. haha. So we didn't buy tickets and we hung out, got popcorn and some candy, WM played a game, we saw about half hour of The Darjeeling Limited (which was actually really good, we wanna see the whole thing now..) and then went in to the movie. CB and I both own and love the soundtrack and were singing (not loud, quite quiet actually) and half way through the movie this lady (we found out she was like 15 after the movie even though she looked old from the back) said "stop singing" so we had to stop, but when "Hey Jude" came on I whispered to CB "You have to sing this one, I don't care what the lady said" so we did. Aaaaand it was cute. As the movie progressed, so did the positioning.. shoulders touching, hand on the knee, holding hands, resting our heads on each other, etc etc. and before the movie started, WM was nice enough to tell CB he had "huge elbows" and he "didn't have enough room" so he moved over a seat and put one of the popcorns between them so we had our space.

After the movie ended we had like a fifteen minute discussion about it. WM loved it haha. He was like "I'm not afraid to say that that may be the best love story ever" and then CB commented on how great "Jude"'s voice was etc etc.

Then they wanted to go home cuz they were tired (and a little hungover from dueling pianos..) which was fine with me cuz I still hadn't studied for psych. So I said goodbye to WM and CB came around the car (2002 dodge ram truck, btw, one of my dream cars) and said "I'm going to walk you to the door, my lady"

And then there was the hug that went on forever and the many little kisses before he actually left. And kisses on the forehead. Those are the best. We discussed it, and we're supposed to hang out some time this week, but nothing for sure yet. I don't know how my week is going for sure and I have quite a bit to do, so we'll figure something out soon.

P.S. he opened the door for me every time there was a door that needed opening.. including the car door. It really is the little things..

So yea, that's it. I still don't know if it was really a date or not, buuut you can decide. Haha.

So I still had to study for my psych final, which I didn't. Oh well. Needless to say, I still slept well that night..

MONDAY:

Psych final. Went eh. Just glad to be done. Then home, and off to work at the swim school. I had finished the in class graphite at the PJ party that weekend, but I still had like 80% of the at home one to do. I got tired though so I went to bed and decided I would wake up early to finish.

TUESDAY:

I finished my art project. Turned out quite nice but not as nice as the charcoal. It's okay though. I baked cupcakes for the class too. Everyone told me I was a sweetheart. Love it. Did a parade. Who knows about the rest. Then off to a parade.
( Then on Wednesday... )

Wake up.

Study for Human Development Final.

Go to school.

Buy a scantron.

Go to Psych.

Study in Psych.

Take the HDev final.

Go home.

Set up dance shoes to draw for my art final that is due Tuesday: "Items used in my Favorite Hobby"

Gotta start early, I have a full weekend ahead of me.

Fought with my dad. First time in a while. He's so dumb though. He asks for it. He says degrading things to me. I didn't want to clean the pan from dinner that had crusty potstickers left in it. I wasn't complaining or anything, I just made a comment and my mom offered to do it.. He goes, "What are you gonna do when you have your own house, huh?"

Not invite you.. That's for sure.

So yea. It went from there. I don't let people put me down. Even if it is my dad. You'll find out more about why I don't care with him later.

Anyway. I don't feel like writing much tonight. But I've eaten way too much. I need to start running again and going to dance class more. I'm losing my muscle tone. I think I'm gonna get up early tomorrow, run, shower, and draw. Then class at one. Then my cousin's concert. Woo!

America's Next Top Model Finale on tonight. My prediction: Jenah and Chantal as final two. Chantal wins.

Guess we'll see.

TTFN!

:]

Breathe in...........

and out...................................

Sigh.

Relief.

One of the best feelings ever.

Here's why..

Art sketchbook: Done. Spending 3.5 hours on it instead of six was fun. Got a B-. But then again so did my friend who spent a lot of time on it. Haha.

Art school registration: Almost done. Got my tentative schedule. Now we have to wait on transfer credits and official AP test scores being sent and I have to take the Accuplacer test. Won't be too hard. I picked up a packet of sample questions to study from. So funny. Here's my favorite one.

"Select the best version of the bold part of the sentence. The first choice is the same as the original sentence.

If you think the original sentence is best, choose the first answer.

Ms. Rose planning to teach a course in biology next summer.

A. planning
B. are planning
C. with a plan
D. plans"

HA! That's all I have to say. Seriously, I could have figured that out in fifth grade. Obviously, I'm not going to have any problem with this test.

But here's the main reason for relief...

CB. Yep. Figures, right?

So I was still stressin'.. He hadn't contacted me and hadn't had any recent activity on Facebook. I really was getting concerned, not so much for our relationship, but for his well-being.

When I got home from the art school, I checked again. He had written on one of his guy friends' walls.

Okay, so he is alive. That's always a good thing.

But it had been nearly three days. I knew I needed to do something. So I talked to my mom. You know, having a mother with a BA in Psychology comes in handy.

We looked at everything that had happened with him in the last week.
Tuesday: We were supposed to hang out, but his grandma was hospitalized and passed away. Not exactly a good time.
Wednesday: Texted; things went okay.
Thursday: See "Sleep and the Boy.. Seperately," for full details. But pretty much everything went perfectly. Movie, laughing, conversation, snuggling, kisses, etc. He even asked me out on a date for Saturday.
Friday: He was bored at a friends' birthday party. I was texting him.
Saturday: He bailed on the date (I still don't know if he just forgot or what..) and went to see his friends' last concert in San Diego. Which is fine, but he didn't let me know beforehand. No text back as to plans for Sunday.
Sunday: He was supposed to go to a performance of the parade I'm in at the theme park, but didn't respond to texts or calls.
Monday: Still nothing.
( The Verdict )

It was hot at school today. WHAT THE HELL! This is supposed to be winter! Plus, it was FREEZING this morning. Seriously. I was home alone and turned the heater up to 75 degrees and with flannel PJs, sweatshirt, and a blanket on, I was still cold.

School sucked. Only three more two more classes of each though. Then off to the art school I just officially got accepted to. I am over this dumb state university shit. Let's see.

Pros and Cons.. Art School vs. State Uni.

Guaranteed degree in your major vs. Being one of 200 people who didn't get accepted into their major because it's impacted/ ending up with a BA in "Art"
Class sizes max out at 20 vs. Class sizes max out at 200
15 minutes from home, with traffic vs. An hour, with traffic
FREE Guaranteed parking vs. $98 Parking pass that doesn't guarantee parking
One time fee for art set that provides you with everything you need vs. Going to the store every week to buy new stuff
Two classes of General Ed vs. Two years of General Ed
Personal environment where everyone knows you and cares vs. Huge commuter school where no one gives a you-know-what
Hands on learning environment vs. Lecture halls
$7500 a quarter vs. $1600 a semester.


Okay, so that last one is a killer, but my dad is going to pay most of it, and I qualify for a subsidized loan, meaning the government pays the interest.

Sweet.

So excited. New start just five months after my new start. Definitely what I need to get out of this gigantic rut.

Anyway, finals are soon. My toes are cold. I still smell like chlorine from work even though I just showered and moisturized. My head hurts from the towel on it.

Ohhh andddd my brother drank all the Blood Orange Italian Soda that my mom bought for me last night. I had a full small glass and a half. It was a liter bottle.

So mad.

That stuff is heavenly.

Speaking of heavenly, or not..

CB still hasn't called/texted/messaged/contacted.

And his last recent activity on Facebook was Friday.

I'm starting to get worried.

My mom says to tell him that. I say wait. Yesterday was the day two calls/a text/a message went down (read previous post). I think it's too soon. What do you think?

I figure two or three more days. Then if he doesn't contact me and there is no recent activity on Facebook, I have reason to be concerned, right?

Luckily, I'm friends with his best friend on Facebook. That could come in handy.

Ughhhh. I hate being concerned.

You know, I decided I'm a walking paradox. Seriously, go look at my interests. I'm ridiculous. I'm like the anti-blonde blonde. Like, I LOVE being blonde. Okay. Stop. Look at that sentence. The one that starts with like. That's what I mean. I'm this mix of down to earth and "O-M-G." SO confusing. I'm like Gossip Girl meets.. I don't know... Mythbusters? I'm usually pretty good with analogies, but that one sucked. I apologize.

I'm ridiculous.

I want everything and nothing.

I want perfect skin and dirty hands.

I want designer jeans and an old sweatshirt.

I want the flawless and the unrefined.

I want to know what I want, dammit.

I'm watching "Samantha Who?"

A girl who doesn't know who she is. How appropriate.

The only thing is I don't have amnesia.

How comforting.

Off to do my Sketchbook for Art. Wooooo.

:-\

Til then.. <3

Today:

Woke up at 7:45 AM

Went to work at the swim school until noon.

On the way home, I called CB to see if he was coming to see the parade (which, by the way, was his idea.. he suggested it)

No answer, I left a message in quite a chipper voice.

"Hey CB it's me, I was just calling to see if you were still coming to my show or not today. Give me a call back and let me know either way. My number is _____________. Thanks! Byeee."

Went home. Showered. Ate lunch. Got ready.

1:37 PM.. I'm leaving to go to the park for the parade in an hour.

I call again.

No answer.

I'm stressin. After all, he did say he had to work Friday and he would try to come but I told him not to worry about it and that I had one on Sunday. He said that if he couldn't make it he would come on Sunday. He didn't make it Friday. Pretty straightforward, right?

2:13 PM I sent a text: CB if you're not gonna make it, please just tell me you're not gonna make it.

I breakdown in the car on the way to the theme park. I mean, why does this always happen to me? Am I the only one experiencing this, or does this happen to everyone? I though he was different. Maybe he is. Maybe he lost his phone. Maybe he thinks I would get mad if he said he wasn't coming.

No no no no NO. I WILL BE MUCH HAPPIER. UGHHHH!!!

He doesn't know me well enough to know that yet though. I want to talk to him and just let him know. I mean, it's not a relationship and we are just starting out and I don't want to be too overbearing and/or intense (which I tend to be). Remember, this one is supposed to be different.

I was talking to my mom about it and she said I should just send a message to him online, in case he forgot his phone in San Diego last night or something.

I message him on Facebook: Hey CB, hope everything's okay, haven't heard from you. Give me a call.

That was at 6:28 PM. It's nearly eleven now and he still hasn't responded.

Should I be concerned???

I'm in quite a state of mind. So confused. So hurt. So worried.

My computer is about to die and so is my heart and my brain.

Watching the Food Network. Sweet dreams, literally.

Nighty night.

"Only laughing to keep from crying, only living to keep from dying."

I think this explains me pretty well sometimes.

The cat is asleep on my lap and my legs are falling asleep. I'm shortly behind them.

Work in about seven hours.

Lucky I fell asleep for two on the couch earlier.

Mom is out shopping, she was supposed to return nearly and hour ago.

Hmmm...

It's raining.

I wish CB were here..

You know what I hate?

Flakes.

Fakes, liars, and flakes.

After all, they are all a form of the others.

This is why I never put trust in people.

My brother-in-law told me the other day not to hold myself back too much because although it sucks getting hurt, I still have family there that loves me.

Well it's not the same, is it?

No, it's not.

On Thursday, CB asked me to go out with him tonight. I was soo excited. My sister and I ended up having to fill in for someone in the parade this afternoon, but it was over at five so I knew I would be fine. No one ever goes out before eight anymore anyway. So the whole day I was so excited. I mean I really have (had? who knows after tonight) hope for this guy. However, I never let myself get too excited because I expect people to fail.

Maybe that's the problem. I expect people to fail, so they do. But I figure, if I didn't expect them to fail, they probably still would. Then, I would be really disappointed. That's what has happened to me in the past. I used to give everyone the benefit of the doubt just to have them fail me. I hate being disappointed in people, but it always seems to work out that way with the things people do, whether I'm expecting them to or not. It's quite a paradox.

So back to CB. He was at a friends' birthday party last night and not having too much fun so I was texting him. I woke up today and got ready for the parade and my left my house around two forty-five. He hadn't texted me all day, so I sent him a text message when I went into wardrobe around three thirty asking how last night ended up going. So I did the parade with my sister (it started pouring rain right when we started, of course). We ran back in and got changed and I checked my phone. He had responded around four fifteen but I got the message around five when I was finished. He said the night went well once he got a bit of wine in him and asked how my night was. I responded with "Mine went alright. I did the parade then got dinner and went home and watched TV. So what's the plan for tonight sir? :]" The message was sent at four forty-nine.

Five o'clock comes around.. No response.

Five thirty.

No response.

Six o'clock.

Six thirty.

Still no response.

( So finally I.. )

There is no better thing than sleep.

Well, there are better things, but sleep is the best thing you can give yourself that is free. Unless you're an insomniac. In that case, this does not apply to you.

Anyway. I slept until three this afternoon. What?! Three???!!! Yea. I was up til seven in the morning Thursday and then only got four hours of sleep, remember? But really, I don't think I've ever slept that long. Actually, I may have slept that long after I got home from Europe because of the jet lag, but I'm not sure.

Ohhh wait I forgot to tell you about last night didn't I? Silly me.

So CB came over. I don't think I've ever told you about how CB and I met, have I? It was two weeks ago at my friends' sisters' house party. He's on volleyball, and knows one of my friends from when they went to school together. He looked familiar when I first saw him but even after introducing myself and getting his stats (full name, school, etc) I couldn't figure it out.

First thing I noticed about him was his height. Six foot, seven and a half inches tall. Yep. He's ten inches taller than me. It is amazing. And he's cute. Cuter than most boys I am actually interested in. I tend to like tall boys that are kind of quirky-looking. Always tall and skinny, with good muscle tone though. My fourteen-year-old sister told me that I don't date cute boys. Plus, good-looking tall boys are hard to come by. But CB is definitely good-looking. He's got sandy brown hair and nice brown eyes. He goes to the beach quite a bit so his skin is nicely tanned and although his teeth have a little bit of space between them they are straight and white. That's the second thing I noticed about him. He has a great smile. After that I noticed his confidence. Confidence is by far the sexiest thing anyone can possess. And I'm not talking cockiness, although I will be the first one to admit that I tend to prefer jerks over nice guys. But CB has this air about him that just makes me feel relaxed and happy. And his chiseled jaw isn't too bad either ;]

( So at the party... )

So I have tried to keep a journal for so long, but it never works. I'm always too tired to do it at the end of the day or I forget. However, I figured since I'm always online with nothing to do, I may as well blog. I don't particularly like the word "blog." It sounds gross, like it would be something dirty. Not sexual-dirty, but filthy-dirty. Maybe i'll get used to it, who knows. We'll have to see. I'm just going to call it my journal for now.

P.S. I'm doing this Gossip Girl-style for right now. If you don't know what that means, I apologize, but I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out soon enough.

Anyway, first post.

Today.

Today was Thursday. Not was, is.

Ironically, the events of "today" actually started yesterday. I had a performance yesterday at the theme park I work at, straight from there I went to a financial aid meeting for the new art school I am hoping to transfer to, then I went home, watched TV for a bit, then had to start my art project. A full-value charcoal drawing on warm-colored paper. A commentary on pop culture. So I decided to do a Mickey Mouse sorceror hat, red Chucks, and a bottle of Coca Cola. "Southern California Born and Raised," or something along those lines. So first I gestured, then did the gauge object, worked my way across the drawing, and started the value on the way back across, as to not get my hands to dirty and smudge the drawing. Well, to make a very long story short, I worked on the drawing from about eight thirty Wednesday night until seven this morning. I was originally going to go to bed around two or three and then wake up at seven to continue working on it. But seriously, I'm not a morning person. It takes me about an hour after I wake up to function. Instead of wasting time I just kept working and working, diligently and meticulously until it was complete. Well, complete enough. I'm not sure if you know much about art, but someone once said "Art would never be finished if it weren't for deadlines."

Okay so, I think I combined two phrases there, but you get my point. So, at seven when the rest of my family is waking up, I'm dragging myself into bed, dizzy and in pain from sitting in the same place for so long. The drawing looks great, I'm quite proud. And I'm not just saying that. I'm my toughest critic for the most part. But seriously. Probably my best yet.

Anyway, I go to sleep at seven and wake up around eleven thirty to the sound of my second alarm going off. I always sleep through the first one. Actually, I think the first one wakes my brain up and the second one wakes my body up or something. So I'm lying in bed and my mom calls to make sure I'm up and tells me how great my artwork is. So great in fact, that she took a picture of it one her camera phone and is going to show it to people. Insert mass "awwww" here. No but really, I love my mom, especially because she's honest. That's the best thing anyone can be.

So I put the finishing touches on my drawing (art would never be finished..), get dressed, and head out the door, excited and nervous and tired as all hell.

I head to school and on my way to class I get a text from my current.. uhm.. interest? Yea, we're at that stage. I never know what to call it. The whole "getting to know you" stage. We've only hung out once and that was in a party environment, but we hit it off right away and have been trying to hang out ever since.

"What do you want to do tonight?"

I smile and close my phone. I'll text him when I get through with the crit in class.

I get to class, everyone loves my drawing. We pin them to the wall to critique them as usual. I get quite a good critique. Apparently, the shoes (one of the hardest things to draw) and the hat have great movement and shading. The top of the Coke bottle is good, but the bottom is off; the red of the paper shows through great, but the teacher would prefer the bottom plane be shaded and the background red, just to set off the space and the contact of the drawing.

The crit is over and she gives us some time to fix it. She comes over and compliments mine. We go to work on our current in-class drawing. Everyone is over it. So over it, in fact, that we still draw.. it's just all over our drawing boards. I'm texting the current boy.. that's what we'll call him.. "CB." So I text CB back.

"Not sure. What do you like to do?"

After a couple more texts, we decide that we both want to do something relaxing-- CB has to work at six thirty tomorrow morning and I'm exhausted from staying up even later than that this morning. So he's going to come over and we're going to watch a movie and just chill. Get to know each other a bit. No, not in that way. Jeeze, get your mind out of the gutter. Well, now that you mention it.. ;]

No, all jokes aside. This one will be different. I hope. Different, you ask? But yes, of course. Didn't you know? It hasn't always been this way. After all, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end, right?

Now, if only I could decide what movie we should watch...